he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize