He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize