I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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