I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I believe in your delicious
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize