make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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