so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
