He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
