Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
