HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
