You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
