no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
