I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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