billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
