He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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