I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was born a porn star she said
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
