They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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