im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
