What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
