No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
