sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
4 words: hood of his car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
