I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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