ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
