Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's shark week go big or go home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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