But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
