Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
should my penis look like a turkey
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ruined the universe
Randomize