i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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