omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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