my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
