well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
