His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
