Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
