i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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