whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
