May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize