Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
