you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize