So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
