I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
