I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
