Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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