xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
