he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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