Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
