No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
