o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
