i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
