you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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