He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
