The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize