would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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