i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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