good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize