Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
