Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize