My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
