there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
