I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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