You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
