I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
