Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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