I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
