my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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