You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
