Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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