This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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