Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
that may or may not have been my penis.
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