Jerry, you need to find god
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
