return my video game
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
