My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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