bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
People in love make me want to vomit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We are all done wearing pants today
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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