Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
