In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
