I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize