Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
