as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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