wanna go halves on a baby?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
