when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish there were birth control emojis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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