So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am full of burrito and curiosity
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
