He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Holy shit dude........stairs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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