I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
