I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
