i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
