idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
