Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
