his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
