return my video game
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
