3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
