I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
