Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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