brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
