so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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