I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You've changed since you got that strap on
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
