Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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