I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
