I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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