Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
