nut hugger
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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