Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
