yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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