I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
