We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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