I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize