Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
