can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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