he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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