thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
